2020 Weekly POWER RANKINGs

Drama and accusations ran rampant in Week 8. And while certain players made moves to solidify their contender status, one comrade's quest to take home the crown all but ended.  

1 - Your Champion: While the victory was decisive, it wasn't your best performance. The big 'Q' will be whether you can maintain your spot atop the rankings or whether your success is nothing more than an internet conspiracy theory... 

2 - Doomsday Devices: A primary origin of a conspiracy theory begins when people of modest means achieve wealth, superstardom or power. Which begs the question, how did this "Commissioner" experience such a meteoric rise in the rankings? From 0-3 to 5-3 in the blink of an eye...do you all believe in coincidence?? 

3 - Biden Sniffed My Wife: I really wanted to make this caption about life on other planets. But with a 0.32 point victory in Week 8, one has to question whether the folks tabulating the stats for the Biden Wife's players are the same folks counting the ballots in GA, NV, PA, WI and MI. 

4 - Team Leonard: Similar to most Democrat run cities, Team Leonard suffered a tragic loss to the Peaceful Protestors. I mean, the loss of Dak has set your team on fire (and not in the good way) and it was almost like George Soros himself started throwing bricks at your team. 

5 - Peanut Butter Dwelley Time: Much like Adam Schiff and the House Intelligence Committee, members of this league have been looking for evidence of collusion for years. Luckily for Peanut Butter, all 'reports' and investigations went away quicker than Jeffrey Epstein in a prison cell.

6 - Team I Need A Bye Week: Much like 'Big Mike' this team seems to have an identity problem. One week they're poised to explode, the next they can't reach triple digits in points. 

7 - Team Pack: It's amazing that Team Pack hasn't made a move to try and solidify the RB position. I know for a fact that numerous digital communication efforts have been made, along with email notifications - something in the area of 33,000 of them. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that they were all deleted, bleach bit and destroyed with a hammer. Quick, somebody check the unauthorized server in the bathroom! 

8 - Hell No: Similar to the MI governor (who only allowed her husband to roam about freely during COVID), and Speaker Pelosi (going maskless during her illegal hair appointment), Hell No gleefully traded his 3rd round pick away while inciting violence against others in the league who made similar moves. What is the liberal motto? Rules for thee, not for me!!  

9 - Ladies and Edelman: The victim of one of the narrowest margins of defeat in league history, 'Edelman" should send in his lawyers to make sure nothing nefarious was going on with his point total. It's almost as if points were just "mailed in" for his opponent after the fact. He does have a slew of team members playing in liberal states after all.  

10 - Peaceful Protestors: The Protestors have found life after a long losing streak. Trading for the GB QB has been a great form of fantasy currency infused into their fantasy cause. Similar to the funds from the Open Society Foundations (look it up, who's the founder?) the Protestors are using that currency to mobilize their troops in an effort to spark unrest in the Stylin' n Profilin' league. That currency of course is all digital, cause all the nickels and pennies are gone because of COVID. 

11 - Make 4 Inches Big Again: It's become apparent that it's just not in the cards for you this season. Luckily for you, with Kamala in charge, socialism is on its way! You're guaranteed to get a trophy next year! 

12 - Play It By Beer: For the first time since Week 3, Play it By Beer reached 100 points. To be frank, with the state of his team, I find that hard to believe. Kind of the way I find it hard to believe that 73 million people voted for Joe Biden. 

Week 7 was highlighted by a heavyweight battle of former champions that went into Monday night. We also had a few upsets and some questionable decisions that cost folks the 'W.' 

1 - Your Champion: not only the "bad beat" of the week, but possibly the season. To go for 158 and lose is a bitter pill to swallow, but you still hold on to the top spot in the power rankings. 

2 - Team Leonard: Back to back good weeks have propelled Leonard back to the top of the Hitman division. Despite the Falcons once again being the Falcons, winning becomes a lot easier when you play a team who starts three players with less than one point!!

3 - Biden Sniffed My Wife: Come on man...can you believe how many of "My wife's" players underperformed? Appears that most "called a lid" before their games ended!

4 - Doomsday Devices: Remember a few weeks back when this team was the jobber getting his head taken off? Not so much now...WHAAAAAAAAAATTTT AAA RUUUSSSHHH!!!!

5 - Mike Goose-Eggy: It wasn't pretty but the job got done. I have a feeling your entry will be a bit more colorful in Week 8, lol!!

6 - Team I Need A Bye Week: Tawmmy! In an otherwise lackluster week, the GOAT came through with his best week in years to get you the win. Well, that plus your opponent leaving Todd Gurley on the bench.

7 - Team Pack: After taking down the league's top team in week 6, Pack reverted back to his "I don't need running backs" approach. It's a shame we don't give out fantasy points for being an immortal like the Hulkster. If so, DK Metcalf would've won the whole league with his rundown tackle on Buddha! 

8 - Hell No: With this new team name I'm reminded of a popular tag team in the 2000's, team Hell NO (Kane and Daniel Bryan). Which is the exact statement I kept repeating every time Tyler Lockett caught a ball Sunday night. 

9 - Ladies and Edelman: It's never a good thing when your defense is your highest scorer. The snow, and the Broncos inability to keep the ball killed any chance Mahomes had of putting up numbers. 

10 - Hugh Janus: I bet you feel like a "Huge Anus" for benching Gurley in favor of Claypool...haha

11 - Peaceful Protestors: After several bad beats, the Protestors finally found some luck. Hope he's got some more of it up his sleeve...

12 - Play It By Beer: This isn't meant to be funny, but I've never seen a more unlucky season. No Thomas, Ekeler, Fournette, now Deebo, Ertz and Alshon still hasn't found the field. It's really remarkable. Add that to the ungodly amount of points that have scored against 'Beer.' This is a season for the ages, for all the wrong reasons. 

Just realized I didn't do the power rankings for Week 6. To sum it up, there was one close game and a bunch of blowouts. I'll do better in Week 7!

Not much to say about Week 5 as all but one game was decided by Sunday evening. But, one injury left the Football world reeling... 

1 - Your Champion: continues to roll through the first five weeks. With one week to go in the non-division schedule, a playoff spot is most likely two wins away. 

2 - Lying Dog Faced Pony Soldier: Come on man...this team is trending in the right direction. The mainstream media and all political polling organizations agree, the Pony Soldiers are going to win in an electoral landslide.  

3 - Team Leonard: Week 5 saw Leonard lose the top spot in the Hitman division. Last time the Hitman lost the top spot, he never got it back. He got screwed in Montreal. 

4 - Clyde Edwards NoWhere: Can you leave any more points on the bench?? Losing Dak for the season, then Dalvin for a week, Week 5 couldn't have went worse for CENW. That is until Lev Bell signed with the Chiefs... 

5 - Team Pack: This may have been the first time that a team started two running backs projected for less than five points each. But so are the days of Covid and torn ACL's. For goodness sake, make a trade!! 

6 - Team I Need A Bye Week: A good week could've been better by starting Brandin Cooks. Overcoming being a significant underdog in the pre game projections, Bye Week was able to take advantage of the misfortune of his Week 5 opponent. 

7 - Doomsday Devices: It's about time! Finally amongst the weekly leaders in points scored. You did play the guy who started Jordan Wilkins and Wayne Gallman though...

8 - Ladies and Edelman: Unfortunately, Ladies caught Mike Oxlong's little blue pill week.  

9 - Ifs Ands and Buts: The Buts had their best week of the season. Can they keep it going with Jacobs and Lockett on bye?   

10 - Mike Oxlong: Talk about trending...this team has the foundation to make a run after an 0-4 start. Maybe try to get a QB?? 

11 - Peaceful Protestors: If the Bills have a rough week, the Protestors will as well. After the ballsy call to wait until Tuesday for three critical roster spots, Devin Singletary and the Bills D couldn't get it done.

12 - Play It By Beer: I've seen bad fantasy football luck, but this may take the cake. Thomas, Ekeler, Fournette have all missed time. May be time to move one of those QB's.

We'll probably remember Week 4 as a microcosm of our lives in 2020. There was a postponement til a later date, a game pushed until Monday and a hysteria that had fantasy players nationwide posting and complaining like a liberal after a Trump tweet...  

1 - Your Champion: "Your Champion" has alluded to the fact that he hasn't lost since November 2019 on multiple occasions now. Quickly becoming Stylin' n Profiln's primary "heel" it will be interesting to see if he can "walk that aisle" one more time in 2020. 

2 - Team Leonard: After holding the top spot for the first three weeks, Team Leonard put Your Champion over in a big way in Week 4. Much to the chagrin of the rest of the league... 

3 - Dak Lives Matter: Can someone tell Mike McCarthy that he has one of the best RUNNING backs in the league? You can control the clock and protect a crappy defense by RUNNING THE BALL!!! Dak is on pace to throw the ball 800 times this season and as long as that remains the case, DLM is going to be a contender. 

4 - Team Pack: In January 1987 as part of the feature match of Saturday Night's Main Event, The Hulkster and Mr Wonderful hit the floor at the same time when escaping the blue steel cage. The match was restarted and eventually, the yellow and red posed for the crowd after another victory. In response to Hogan's triumph, Jesse "The Body" Ventura claimed that it was better to be "lucky" than "good." Later that year, Hogan's luck ran out thanks to a crooked twin referee, The Million Dollar Man and Andre The Giant. Hopefully, Week 5 will be when your luck runs out!!! 

5 - Bill Quarantined on Epstein Island: I get excited to write something about this team every week. The matchup got a little tight down the stretch but much like Bill, Joe Mixon just kept scoring, and scoring and scoring...

6 - Ladies and Edelman: George Kittle - huge wrestling fan. Reminds me of Smash from Demolition, and not just because he absolutely smashed the Eagles Sunday night! 

7 - Team I Need A Bye Week: It's almost as if Vince McMahon himself is booking your team's performance each week. One week you're getting pushed to the moon, dropping your finish to get the 1-2-3. The next, you're in your underwear barking like a dog. 

8 - Doomsday Devices: There's a fine line between love and hate, and sometimes that same fine line is the difference between winning and losing in fantasy football. Thank goodness the Bills/Raiders game ended when it did!! 

9 - Peaceful Protestors: Do you remember Vinnie Vegas? What about Oz? Of course you don't! Kevin Nash was able to overcome early career adversity, can the Protestors? 

T9 - Ifs Ands and Buts: IF only CMac was healthy AND AJ Green was fast and could catch. BUT, unfortunately CMac is hurt, and AJ is old and slow. 

11 - Play It By Beer: If you didn't have bad luck you'd have no luck at all. Fortunately, you like Beer. You should have a few...and one for me too!!! 

12 - Sum Ting Wong: With all these name changes, I just don't know who this team is? So what is your name? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQschA2lC_Y

Kamara, Dak, Allen, Wilson, Lockett and Mahomes all went for at least 30. Can these big names back up their huge performances in Week 4?

1 - Team Leonard: An afternoon of mediocrity gave way to another stellar performance on the back of one Alvin Kamara. After the first quarter, I'm surprised he didn't go for 50... 

2 - Your Champion: A huge week earned "Your Champion" high scorer honors and an extra $10 in the PayPal account. Which then was most likely entered into a DK showdown lineup that night!!!

3 - Dak Lives Matter: Needing less than a point from CEH, there wasn't much of a sweat entering Monday night. But with the state of the KC/NE game this week, I'd say the perspiration is running wild thinking about having to pull from the dumpster fire that is waiver wire RB's. 

4 - Team Pack: Russ, Chubb and...Burkhead??? WTH. As a wise man once told me...you're luckier than a two peckered pony! In all seriousness, great pick up and start. Could've been an even bigger week if DK's catch & run didn't climax prematurely.

5 - Team I Need A Bye Week: If there was ever a week to play against Lamar, this was the one. Propelled by a rebound game from Conner, this team is showing more upside than Jeff Hardy climbing a ladder. 

6 - Bill Quarantined on Epstein Island: Much like "Bill" you escaped trouble this week. But with the Week 4 postponements, you may go down faster than Monica in the oval...

I feel guilty writing that, but the joke basically wrote itself...

7 - Ladies and Edleman: It's not often you lose by more than 50 and rise four spots. But, Mahomes went bananas and scored half as many points as most of the teams below you on this list. Maybe there's a little FitzMagic in your future...

8 - Peaceful Protestors: Two straight lackluster weeks from the reigning MVP have led to your modest fall. He's probably going for 40 this week...I'd almost put money on it. 

T9 - Doomsday Devices: When it comes crashing down and it hurts inside (cue the guitar riff). You gotta take a stand, it don't help to hide....

But I really wanna hide, like really bad. Even more since Derick Henry isn't playing.

T9 - Ifs Ands and Buts: "Were candy and nuts then everyday would be Erntedankfest" - Dwight Schrute

Who cares about witty quips on football, your team named opened an opportunity to integrate The Office. Well done!

11 - Play It By Beer: Week 3's "bad beat." It's tough going for 126 and losing...the bright spot is that you should be used to that by now... :))

12 - Vag Rejuv: You Jenna Tool...you've lost every bit of momentum you had. You need to do three things to get back in this thing:

1 - Feed Zeke

2 - Go back to "Pooh C" 

3 - both 1 and 2 again

Injuries, injuries, injuries...

From CMac to the 49er D, from Saquon to Sutton, Week 2 is going to be felt by several teams for the remainder of the season. Despite the adversity, there's still 14 weeks left. Hit the waiver wire, make some trades and get things back on track!

1 - Team Leonard: Following up being the Week 1 leading scorer...by being the Week 2 leading scorer. Firmly entrenched as the top team through two weeks.

2 - Your Champion: Despite lackluster performances from Henry and Jacobs, the "Champion" rode the educated feet of Kyler to a Week 2 win. 

3 - Dak Lives Matter: This caption can be summed up in two words - Atlanta Falcons. Only the Falcons could blow that lead, allow an onside kick recovery and let a QB rush for 3 TD's.

4 - Bill Quarantined on Epstein Island: It doesn't look like he'll suffer the same fate as this team's namesake, but the early exit from Davante hindered any chance of going 2-0 on Epstein Island. 

5 - Peaceful Protestors: Due to a Texans team that couldn't keep pace, Lamar and his usual explosive stats were held in check. Let's hope this continues for the rest season... :)

6 - Team I Need A Bye Week: Wow...this was quite the rebound from Week 1. But...Bye Week suffers the first "Bad Beat" of the season. Second in points scored for the week, still resulted in an L.

7 - Team Pack: It was the best of times, and it was the worst of times. A torn ACL times two. I would offer you a trade, but there's a better chance of Nate voting Republican in November than getting a deal done with you... :) 

8 - 12 Years A Slave: The injury bug didn't just bite, it infected. It's looking like a long 4-6 weeks...

9 - Doomsday Devices: 126 points and no season ending injuries. Sounds like a successful week! Except for the opponent scoring 138! 

10 - Play It By Beer: Hey, about Josh Allen??? Text me...

Ole Lenny F helped get you the W in Week 2. Good thing you didn't trade him away after that whole Jaguar releasing him thing. 

11 - Ladies and Edleman: Has that Chief/Charger game ended yet? I'm still having flashbacks to Mahomes throwing 4th quarter daggers at my new 0-2 record. 

12 - Jenna Tools: I get the play on words, but part of me believes this team name is an ode to a performer in a certain industry that shall not be named. Jenna indeed does have a lot at her disposal, but those tools didn't get the job done in Week 2.   

We had a great start to the 2020 season with several close contests. As a result, here is the first edition of the 2020 Power Rankings. Humor intended, any offense taken is not. Enjoy! 

1 - Team Leonard: Yawn...oops sorry, just got a little sleepy typing that team name. But, I'm not sleeping on that team roster! Leonard overcomes the Sanders injury thanks to the Ryan/Ridley connection and takes home Week 1 high scorer honors.

2 - Bill Quarantined On Epstein Island: Yes, he did - 26 times!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Davante Adams...I think he's still getting targets! 

3 - Peaceful Protestors: The thrashing you put on your opponent was more like a "mostly peaceful riot." The combination of Lamar and Dalvin will be a tough combo to take down. 

4 - Your Champion: One league win and this guy's head swells to the size of the line at Ric Flair's Space Mountain. Your "Champion" may have something with two monsters at RB, but there's only been one instance of back to back champions in this league. Who did that again???

5 - Bernie CMac Jingaling: CMac was money in week 1, and you've got a little Jingaling in your pocket at WR. Hopefully, the Bernie in your name won't force you to redistribute all that wealth to the rest of the us.

6 - Team I Need A Bye Week: Winner of the first JV game of the season, sometimes its better to be lucky than good. TB12 has a good chance of a "get right" game this week but he'll have to get "Breitbart" right to have a chance against Leonard this week. 

7 - DeAndre Whiffed: The highest scoring non-winner, but that's like being the best player in the B flight. Yes, DeAndre "whiffed" when it counted most, but when your game was on the line, your last minute decision couldn't get it done versus Henry and the Titans.

8 - Doomsday Devices: Sometimes you're Hawk flying with a clothesline off the top rope, other times you're the poor jobber on Animal's shoulders getting your head taken off. You drafted Lev Bell in the third round, you deserve all the pain that comes your way...

9 - Team Pack: The last seven entries were like a creative shot of caffeine, but with Team Pack I'm back in the doldrums of uninspired team naming. It seems a lot has changed since that stellar draft rating. Hopefully, Courtland won't be "Sutton" on the sidelines in Week 2. 

10 - Mike Litoris: Next to Quarantining on Epstein Island, this is the best team name. Unfortunately, your second round pick is a "Pooh C" and couldn't produce through a tender hammie. 

11 - Play It By Beer: After decades of struggle the Browns moved to Baltimore and became the Ravens. A few years later they took a home a title. It's a beautiful team name, but as Owen said "Enough is Enough and It's Time For a Change!!" I'd like to trade for Josh Allen, BTW...text me. 

12 - Rollin' with Mahomies: Favre was synonymous with the Pack, Joe was Mr. 49er and TB12 was THE Patriot. But eventually, they all had to move on. Maybe it's time to do the same thing with the $500 million dollar man.